Pre-Reading Disclaimer:
Before we begin, it’s important to note that this blog post is not a substitute for professional therapy or counselling. While we’ll be discussing Schema Therapy themes in MAFs, it’s essential to seek professional support if you’re struggling with mental health issues. In the analysis of MAFs episodes we hope to introduce you to new language around emotions and situations you may see on the show.
MAFS Blog Series
Married at First Sight (affectionately known as MAFS) is a reality television show wherein each contestant is matched with another by a panel of ‘relationship experts’. They meet for the first time at their wedding, after which they enter into a ‘social experiment’ where they live together and complete challenges which are said to replicate the conditions of a long term relationship. Viewers at home are privy to all of the highs and lows – it can be a rollercoaster ride at times!
The purpose of our MAFS blog series is for light entertainment, while also giving us the opportunity to provide some education around different relationship dynamics from a Schema Therapy perspective. Schemas are core beliefs we hold about ourselves and the way we view the world, while modes are different ways we use to cope and can influence our behaviours.
MAFs Episode Content Update:
- Throughout the week, Lauren’s husband Jono told her that Tori’s husband Jack was saying disrespectful things about her to the boys. At the dinner party, Lauren told Tori what was said out of loyalty to her, and confronted Jack at the dinner table about his hurtful comments.
- Jack responded in an aggressive, argumentative way towards Jono for breaking “the bro code”, and made some highly derogatory comments towards Lauren.
Schemas that show up in the Episode:
- Entitlement schema: this schema is based on the They may appear to be charming or charismatic. Underneath this exterior, the entitlement schema is often compensating for deep feelings of shame or inadequacy – which may be in response to other underlying schemas such as defectiveness or emotional deprivation. The entitlement schema is often associated with people who have narcissistic personality traits.
- Jack feels threatened when Lauren tries to expose him for what he has said about Tori behind her back – stressful situations can activate schemas. He tries to regain control of the narrative by repeatedly talking over Jono, focusing on the somantics of words used rather than the overall meaning and impact of his statements, deflecting responsibility by shifting the argument to be about “bro code” rather than the impact of his comments. His overall demeanor is aggressive and controlling.
Modes that showed up in the Episode:
- Bully and attack mode: this can look like insulting, bullying or intimidating others. The ‘muzzle your woman’ comment Jack makes in regards to Lauren is a prime example of this.
- The bully and attack mode is often activated to protect the vulnerable child, which represents unmet core emotional needs.
- While this behaviour may have been effective for Jack in enabling him to dominate and control the conversation, in the long run it may have detrimental impacts on his relationships with those around him and his standing within the group.
Where to Get Support:
- If these schemas and modes are resonating with you, either within yourself or from those around you, support is available at Centre Self Collective.
Conclusion:
- In this episode, we saw how the entitlement schema and bully and attack mode can be activated in stressful situations and work together.
- The types of behaviours associated with the entitlement schema and bully and attack mode, such as what was depicted on MAFS, can be confronting to witness or experience whether in real life or on television. Please seek support through Centre Self Collective if this is raising any issues for you.