Exploring Schema Therapy Themes through MAFS – Self Aggrandizer

Pre-Reading Disclaimer: 

Before we begin, it’s important to note that this blog post is not a substitute for professional therapy or counselling. While we’ll be discussing Schema Therapy themes in MAFs, it’s essential to seek professional support if you’re struggling with mental health issues. In the analysis of MAFs episodes we hope to introduce you to new language around emotions and situations you may see on the show.  

MAFs Episode Content Update: 

• Once again, the dinner party provides an environment where modes come to light. 
• Tori takes issue with what she perceives as Timothy’s ‘smug’ expression, and calls him out on this. Cassandra steps in to defend Timothy, telling Tori this is just how Timothy looks. Tori is provoked by this comment and makes comments to the producers in a cut away segment insinuating that there is a ‘food chain’ hierarchy on MAFS and that she is at the top, while Cassandra is at the bottom. 

 Modes that showed up in the Episode: 

• Self aggrandizer mode: the self aggrandizer acts in a cocky manner, which can feel performative. They may brag to make themselves look good or make themselves out to be more accomplished than they really are, to deflect attention from their underlying insecurities. Ultimately this mode is compensating for low self esteem, feelings of inadequacy – often seen in response to schemas such as defectiveness and shame, or approval seeking. 
• Those on the recieving end of self aggrandizing behaviour may feel disconnected or in disbelief of what they are saying, irritated, or even used. 
• By implying that she is at the ‘top of the food chain’, Tori could be demonstrating self aggrandizing behaviour. Tori also frequently makes comments about herself and Jack being ‘the superior couple’. As Tori and her partner Jack have received a lot of negative feedback about their relationship from other contestants who aren’t buying into their self aggrandizing, it is possible Tori is trying to deflect attention elsewhere and establish herself as higher status than Cassandra, in order to avoid having to confront mounting evidence that their relationship is not as strong as she is saying it is.  
• This mode can be effective as it allows the self aggrandizer to avoid feeling painful emotions such as shame or unworthiness, by asserting themselves as being superior and having high status within social groups. However, other people may see through this facade for what it really is, and in the long term, the self aggrandizer is not addressing their insecurities in a meaningful way or meeting their core emotional needs. 

Where to Get Support: 

• If you recognize this behaviour in yourself or those around you, or if this has brought anything up for you, support is available with our therapists at Centre Self Collective who offer both individual counselling and schema group therapy.  

Conclusion: 

• If someone is behaving in an overly confident way and attempting to devalue others, it may be a self aggrandizer mode in action. 
• This mode is usually in response to feelings of inadequacy or defectiveness, and allows the self aggrandizer to avoid these painful feelings in the short term.  
• There are other, more positive ways to respond to these feelings, which will ultimately better meet core emotional needs and without the negative impact on interpersonal relationships – Centre Self Collective can assist you in exploring this.