Bringing a new life into the world is a momentous journey, one filled with joy, love, and countless precious moments. But it is also a period of significant adjustment and change. The first few months after childbirth, often referred to as the fourth trimester, can be particularly demanding for new parents. It is a time of both delight and challenge, where the need for self-care becomes non-negotiable.
Understanding the Fourth Trimester
The fourth trimester, a term coined by renowned pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp, acknowledges that a newborn’s first three months of life are a continuation of their development in the womb. But it is not just the baby who needs time to adjust; new parents also go through a profound transformation during this period.
This transitional phase is marked by sleepless nights, round-the-clock feedings, and the emotional roller coaster of new parenthood. It is a time when self-care can easily take a backseat to the needs of the baby. However, it is precisely during this phase that self-care becomes not just important but essential.
In recognizing the unique journey of new motherhood, we have chosen to reframe the concept of ‘self-care’ as ‘non-negotiables.’ The term ‘self-care’ often carries connotations of indulgence or luxury, which can inadvertently place additional pressure on new mothers. In contrast, ‘non-negotiables’ emphasizes the essential nature of these practices. They are not optional or self-indulgent; they are fundamental to the well-being of both the mother and her baby. By adopting this term, we aim to reinforce the message that self-care is not a ‘nice-to-have’ when time allows; it is a ‘must-have’ for the physical, emotional, and mental health of every new parent.
What makes self-care non-negotiable?
- It’s a Necessity, not a Luxury: Self-care is not a self-indulgent luxury; it is a basic necessity. Just as you prioritize feeding and changing your baby, prioritize your own well-being.
- Preventative Care: Self-care is not just about addressing problems when they arise. It is also about preventing burnout, stress, and mental and physical health issues from occurring or becoming worse.
- Quality vs. Quantity: Self-care does not have to be time-consuming. Even short, regular moments of self-care can make a world of difference in your well-being.
- You Deserve It: Remember, you deserve to be cared for just as much as your baby does. Your self-worth and identity matter.
Why is self-care as a non-negotiable important?
- Physical Recovery: Pregnancy and childbirth take a toll on a mother’s body. Adequate rest and nutrition are crucial for postpartum recovery.
- Emotional Well-Being: Hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, and the emotional demands of caring for a newborn can lead to postpartum mood disorders. Non-negotiable self-care can be a protective factor against these challenges.
- Bonding and Connection: Non-negotiable self-care allows parents to nurture their own well-being, which in turn enhances their ability to bond with and care for their baby.
- Setting a Healthy Example: Prioritizing self-care teaches children, from an early age, the importance of taking care of one’s physical and emotional health.
We know it is much easier to think or say “Yes, I will practice my self-care” and a lot harder to actually do it. That is why we created a non-negotiables planner to support you in your fourth trimester. You can access a free copy of our non-negotiables’ planner here.
NOTE: use the code SELFCARE2024 for a 100% discount on our popular planner. It’s our gift to you.
How to use this non-negotiable planner –
At the top of our planner, we have listed a range of life domains as a prompt to help you think about your life as a whole (Emotional, social, spiritual, mental, physical, personal).
You do not need to address every single one of them all the time. You may focus on one or a few, then change, and focus on others.
My Affirmations
This will be individual and different for everyone and guided by what is important to you right now. This section acts as your reminder as to why you are committing to non-negotiable self-care.
Some examples of affirmations may be:
“Caring for myself means I can better care for my baby”
“I trust my intuition”
“I am enough”
“I release the expectation to do it all”
“I can do hard things”
“This too shall pass”
“My body is healing in each moment”
“I am worthy of rest”
“I am exactly the parent my baby needs”
Daily, weekly, monthly
The plan is set out this way to get you thinking about what non-negotiable activities you need daily, weekly, and monthly to optimise your wellbeing.
When I feel, I need
This section is getting you to think about those times when you may feel tired, stressed, overwhelmed, irritable, you are sleep deprived, you are feeling really low in your mood etc. Do you know of specific strategies that help you to manage in these times? This is a prompt to reflect inwards to what you know is helpful for you.
Here is an example non-negotiables planner.
In the whirlwind of new parenthood, self-care can easily be overlooked, but it is precisely during this transformative period that it becomes non-negotiable. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish; it is a fundamental act of love for both you, your baby, and your family. Prioritize Non-negotiable self-care, and you will not only thrive during the fourth trimester but also set a positive example for your child’s lifelong journey of self-care and well-being.
We encourage you to complete your non-negotiable planner and keep it on the fridge or somewhere prominent where it can be a reminder and prompt for you to continue engaging in activities that promote your wellbeing.
If you are pregnant and want to know more about what you can do to support your emotional and mental health, please do not hesitate to contact us. Similarly, if you are in the thick of it and need support please reach out. At Centre Self Collective we offer a range of services that could support you.
With gratitude,
Bronte