A schema is known as a deeply ingrained and enduring pattern of thoughts, emotions, and behaviours that influence how individuals see themselves and the world around them. Other-directedness is one of the five sub-categories of schemas. In the realm of schema therapy, the concept of other-directedness sheds light on a behavioural pattern where individuals prioritise meeting the needs and expectations of others at the expense of their own well-being and authenticity. This blog explores the schemas within other-directedness, and describes how it may manifest in your life.
There are three schemas within other-directedness:
Subjugation
This schema involves a strong belief that one’s own needs, desires, and emotions must be suppressed or sacrificed in order to avoid anger, rejection, or abandonment from others. It leads to an excessive focus on pleasing others and neglecting personal needs.
Self sacrifice
Individuals with this schema have an ingrained belief that their own needs and desires are less important than those of others. They tend to prioritise others’ well-being at the expense of their own, often engaging in self-neglect and self-denial.
Approval Seeking
This schema revolves around seeking constant external validation and approval from others as a means of establishing self-worth. Individuals with this schema may rely heavily on others’ opinions, praise, and recognition to feel validated and may struggle with authentic self-expression.
By recognising these signs, individuals can embark on a journey of self-discovery and cultivate healthier and more authentic lives.
How it may manifest in your life:
Neglecting Personal Needs:
One common indicator of other-directedness is consistently neglecting personal needs while prioritising the needs of others. This often results in difficulties identifying personal desires, preferences, and goals, as they tend to take a backseat to the needs of others.
Seeking External Validation:
Another sign of other-directedness is an excessive reliance on external validation for self-worth. Individuals may heavily rely on the opinions, approval, and validation of others, which can hinder authentic self-expression and lead to a loss of personal identity.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries:
Struggling to establish and maintain healthy boundaries is another hallmark of other-directedness. Individuals may find it challenging to assert their needs, say “no” when necessary, or stand up for themselves, leading to feelings of being overwhelmed and disregarded in relationships.
Fear of Rejection or Abandonment:
A fear of rejection or abandonment often underlies other-directedness. Individuals may go to great lengths to avoid conflict, disagreement, or the risk of losing connection with others. This fear can limit their ability to assert their own opinions and preferences.
Diminished Sense of Self:
Other-directedness can contribute to a diminished sense of self. Individuals may have difficulty identifying their own values, interests, and strengths as their focus primarily revolves around pleasing others. Consequently, this can result in feeling disconnected from their authentic selves.
Over-Adaptation and Compliance:
Individuals with other-directedness tend to over-adapt to the expectations and desires of others. Constantly adjusting behaviour, opinions, and choices to fit in and gain approval can lead to a loss of personal autonomy and a diminished sense of individuality.
Disconnection from Authentic Emotions:
Other-directedness often involves suppressing or disconnecting from authentic emotions. The priority becomes avoiding conflict or upsetting others, which can lead to a tendency to suppress true feelings. This disconnection creates inner conflict and a loss of emotional authenticity.
People-Pleasing Behaviour:
Engaging in people-pleasing behaviour is a common trait of other-directedness. Constantly prioritizing the needs of others over one’s own, individuals may feel compelled to meet expectations and make sacrifices to maintain harmony and avoid disapproval.
Disruption of Authentic Relationships:
Other-directedness can disrupt the development of authentic relationships. By consistently prioritising the needs of others above their own, individuals may experience an imbalance in give-and-take, resulting in unfulfilling connections and a sense of resentment.
Conclusion
Recognising the signs of other-directedness is the first step towards reclaiming authenticity and fostering healthier relationships with oneself and others. By acknowledging neglect of personal needs, seeking external validation, difficulty in setting boundaries, and fear of rejection, individuals can break free from self-defeating patterns.
Our group therapy Cultivating Inner Balance will provide a supportive environment for individuals to explore their patterns and learn coping strategies to build a stronger sense of self. Schema therapy provides valuable tools and techniques to explore and challenge the underlying beliefs that contribute to other-directedness.
Register for the next upcoming group here
We’re here to help. Let’s talk.